Get Free Training When You Sign Up For php works!

Here's a great opportunity to make the most out of your php|works 2007 attendance: for a limited time (and for a limited number of attendees), attendees who sign up for both the main conference and for the in-depth tutorials receive a free voucher for one of our popular online training classes—a $769 USD value absolutely free!

Hurry! Due to availability constraints, this offer is available only to the first 50 attendees!


Here's how this offer works:

* Fill in your registration form for php|works today—remember that, in order to qualify, you need to sign up for both the main conference and for the add-on tutorial day. You can also call us and sign up by phone.
* Write “Free training” followed by the name of the course (see below) you wish to attend on your sign up sheet
* Fax or mail in your sign-up sheet. Remember that payment is needed in order to qualify: make sure that you write down your credit card number on the form, or send in your cheque with it if you're mailing it
* Once we receive your form and process your registration, our training staff will contact you to schedule your course. Please note that you must attend the course you choose before September 30th, 2007

You can take one of three training courses as part of this offer

* PHP 5 Essentials—if you are new to PHP, or if you are moving to it from another language, this course will provide a thorough introduction to how the PHP platform works and give you a solid foundation of knowledge that will allow you to make the most of php|works.
* Professional PHP 5—if you are already familiar with PHP, taking this course will expose you to some of its more advanced concepts—like XML, object orientation, security, web services and more—and allow you to be ready for php|works's cutting-edge talks.
* Building Rich Internet Applications With PHP 5 and AJAX—designed for students who are looking at using PHP as the basis of their next Web 2.0 application, this course explores the creation of Rich Internet Applications with technologies like JSON, SOAP and the Yahoo! UI Library.

Why Are We Making This Offer?
At every conference, we get a huge number of requests that we include some sort of “crash course” in our tutorial day for those who want to freshen up their skills for the main conference. However, it's next-to-impossible to come up with a good PHP course that can take place in a single day, both because of the great number of topics to cover and because there is only so much that a person can cram in a single day.

Offering a free training course gives us a great opportunity to make the php|works experience truly worthwhile for all attendees. Our online training courses take place over three weeks, with plenty of time for covering all the topics properly and for the students to absorb and understand the materials properly; this way, you not only get a great deal, but you are sure to come to the conference prepared for everything the speakers will throw at you!

Terms and Conditions

* No substitutions—only the courses listed above are available for this offer
* This offer includes only access to the course. It cannot be combined with any other offer, and does not include any bonus products that may be delivered as part of our regular course packages
* This offer is not available to attendees who purchase a student pass

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Hints and tips using PHP

These tips are mainly from the problems I have encountered and the ways I have found to fix them. I realise that all of these tips are available in many other
places just by using a search engine but here I've collected some of the most useful in one place, I also take no credit for the solutions but hope they work
for you too.

Many of these tips involve sending headers with PHP, by their very nature it's often very difficult to tell if they are working since this information
does not appear in the web page. I personally use the 'Live HTTP header' extension for firefox which is available from
mozdev.

This allows you to view the headers sent by the browser and server in real time and is a major help in debugging header problems. If you don't use
Firefox you can instead visit Rex Swain's HTTP viewer, a very useful website for viewing header information.

Important note about the PHP header function.

The golden rule for sending headers in PHP is that you must send them before any other content, they cannot be sent after html output has
begun otherwise you will get the 'Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by...' error from PHP.

Sending xhtml with Strict XHTML 1.1 Doctypes


If you are using a Strict XHTML 1.1 Doctype then you need to make some changes to how the data is sent. In reality most servers
are set up to send all flavours HTML with a content type of text/html.


What this means that even though a browser such as Firefox should handle
a strict XHTML as an xml document meaning that a badly formed document will completely stop the page display giving a rather ugly error, it will instead
still parse the page but treat it just like text/html content so will forgive badly formed pages.

To prevent this we need to send pages with a content type of application/xhtml+xml so Firefox and other XHTML capable browsers switch to strict mode. This is
in fact a very easy thing to achieve since every page request comes with a HTTP_ACCEPT header so this tells us whether we are able to send as application/xhtml+xml
or plain old text/html.



I should point out at this time that Internet Explorer 6 will not accept a content type of application/xhtml+xml, although this may have been rectified by the time IE7
hopefully comes out in the summer.

Update - it seems according to this IE7 blog entry that IE7
will NOT accept a Content-Type of application/xhtml+xml, so the code shown here will be needed for a while longer. If you do send a Content-Type
of application/xhtml+xml to IE then you'll just get a save file dialog opening since IE doesn't know that to do with the file so asks if you want
to save it.



The php required for this is very simple indeed, we simple test for the prescence of the string "application/xhtml+xml" in the server variable HTTP_ACCEPT.

if (stristr($_SERVER['HTTP_ACCEPT'], "application/xhtml+xml"))
header("Content-Type: application/xhtml+xml; charset=utf-8");


To also send the correct content type to the W3C validator we need to test the user agent string for the value "W3C_Validator". This is
because the W3C validator does not set the $_SERVER['HTTP_ACCEPT'] string. We do this with the simple code below.

elseif (stristr($_SERVER["HTTP_USER_AGENT"],"W3C_Validator"))
header("Content-Type: application/xhtml+xml; charset=utf-8");


Headers to prevent page caching


I also had a number of problems with Internet Explorer caching dynamic content. I first noticed the problem with the menus for this website, as the menu is created with PHP
I add an opacity ( or filter in Internet Explorer ) so the current pages menu appears semi-transparent making it clear when navigating the menus which page you are currently visiting.

The problem was that with Internet Explorer this effect did not work due to the caching of the content, after some searching on Google this set of headers sent with PHP solved the
page caching problem in Internet Explorer. For me this was never an issue with Firefox so you might want to only send this header to Internet Explorer but it doesn't do any harm if sent to other browsers.

header("Expires: Tue, 01 Jan 1981 01:00:00 GMT");
header("Cache-Control: no-cache");
header("Cache-Control: post-check=0,pre-check=0");
header("Cache-Control: max-age=0");
header("Pragma: no-cache");


Custom error pages with php


On this site I use a custom 404 error page written in PHP. All you need to do to get this to work is go to the control panel of your web host and there should be an
option concerning custom error pages, just put the path to your page in the entry for 404 and save your changes.


One thing to note about doing this on IIS 6.0 or Apache is that the responsibilty of sending the correct header is handed over to your script, the
web server will NOT send the appropriate (Status: 404 Not Found) header for you. To do this with PHP simply add the following line to the top of
your 404 page.


If you do not do this then even though any human visitors will see your 404 page any search engine will get a 200 OK response by default and so it will think it has
found a valid page.

header("Status: 404 Not Found");



The same should be done if you use custom 403 pages ( forbidden ) but send the following header instead.

header("Status: 403 Forbidden");


If you want to send the equivalent header using Apache just use the following

header("HTTP/1.0 404 Not Found");


or

header("HTTP/1.0 403 Forbidden");



On Apache it's very easy to just upload a .htaccess file to the root of your server and put the path to your Error Document in there.
For details on this and how to redirect visitors using a custom 404 error page using PHP on Apache see the
Redirection using PHP and 404 error pages page.

Sessions and header("Location: ") function


I also had a bit of a nightmare with changes to a session variable not being saved. I was using it to moniter a logged in user and wanted to unset it after I logged out. The
logging out process first unsets the session and then immediately redirects the user using the header() function. However many times the session would not be unset
so I was unable to logout. My inititial code was something like this.

unset($_SESSION['login']);
header("Location: login");



The login page would then check if the user was logged in through the session and show different content based on the result. However it appeared the the session was never unset because if
you immediately use header("Location: somewhere") after unsetting a variable then PHP does not write the changes to the session database resulting in the changes not being saved.
The fix is very simple, after unsetting ( or any change to a session variable ) the session, and before the location header, you must close the session with this function.

session_write_close();


Compressing content


I only discovered how easy this is very recently. If you're using PHP 4.3 or later on IIS 6.0 then the compression module is already build in and ready to use.
First you need to add the following lines to the very start of your output.

ob_start();
ob_start('ob_gzhandler');



The first ob_start() starts output buffering while the second does the same while using the function 'ob_gzhandler' as the output handler. All this means is that after
PHP has finished compiloing the page it will sent the buffer to this function which will take care of the compression for us. At the very end of your page you need to
add the following code.

ob_end_flush();
header('Content-Length: '.ob_get_length());
ob_end_flush();



This code first outputs the buffer and then gets the buffer length which it adds as a header so the browser knows how much data is coming. The second flush is because
we need to calculte the content length and send this as a header, but we cannot send any data to the browser until all headers are sent so this allows us to get the
content length, send the header and then finally send the data to the browser. Basically were just emptying one buffer into a second buffer to allow us to send the
header.

IIS Extension mappings settings


If you are having problems with getting a custom 404 page to work with PHP it may have something to do with the extension mapping within IIS. When I tried to implement
a custom error page I kept getting the text "No input file specified" returned with nothing else when viewing a non-existant page. This turned out to be because PHP
was not checking to see if the file actually existed before trying to parse it so any page with a extension it attempted to parse. As a result it tried to parse
the page and reutned the generic error above. This was fixed by my web host checking the 'Check that file exists' checkbox in the extension mappings for PHP.


To find this setting, open up the IIS snap in, go to the properties of your website and select the 'Home directory' tab. Then click on 'Configuration' in the bottom
part of the window below where it says 'Application settings'. This opens up the 'Application configuration' window, select the entry for PHP in the list box at the bottom
and click 'Edit' to open the window shown below. This path summarised here:


Website Properties > Home directory > Configuration > Highlight PHP line > Edit > Check that file exists


Make sure the check box highlighted in red is checked and save your settings. Now when you visit a page that doesn't
exist on you server PHP will check to see if it's there and if not will trigger the 404 response correctly. If you do not have access to the server, as was my case,
if you log a support ticket they should be able to enable it for you.

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Java For Mac OS X

Apple has optimized Java on Mac OS X to look great and perform superbly, making Mac OS X the ultimate platform for developing and deploying cross-platform Java applications.
Java Screens: Java Applications, Xcode Development, and Web Applets

Java Compatible

Java has become the de-facto standard language for developing cross-platform applications. Recognizing this, Apple has made Java a core component of Mac OS X. Mac OS X includes the full version of Java 2, Standard Edition — meaning you have the Java Developer Kit (JDK) and the HotSpot virtual machine (VM) without downloading, installing or configuring anything. And because Apple has optimized Java on Mac OS X, Java applications act as first-class citizens on Mac OS X.
Quartz Extreme
Cross-platform Compatibility

Java applications take on the Aqua look and feel by default and implement Java’s graphics directly on top of Quartz, providing the best-looking Java ever. Mac OS X also makes Java applications leaner and faster — it reduces the memory footprint of Java applications by providing a version of Java HotSpot VM that implements a mechanism similar to shared libraries. Plus, to help developers get started out of the box, Mac OS X also includes an integrated development environment — Xcode.
Safari
Safari Supports Applets

On Mac OS X, Java applets work best in Safari, which takes advantage of the latest version of the standard Java Internet Plug-In. Applets load faster than previously and the plug-in supports new advanced caching features for Java classes and JAR files. Certificates used in signed applets are now stored directly in the Mac OS X Keychain, providing centralized access. What’s more, with the Java Plug-In, Safari supports websites that use LiveConnect for communication between JavaScript and Java applets, letting you work with more Java-based websites than ever before on the Mac.
Xserve rack
Protect and Serve

Java is one of the key components of a good server solution. That’s why it’s a vital part of the Mac OS X Server software for Xserve. In addition, Mac OS X Server includes all of the components necessary to host high-performance J2EE-based applications — including JBoss, Apache Tomcat and Apache Axis. As if that weren’t enough, Xserve also includes a deployment license of the full WebObjects Java application server, so that you can deploy sophisticated web applications right out of the box.
Less Memory, Faster Start

On other platforms, each Java application consumes some system memory, so you might end up using more memory than you need to when running multiple Java applications. Other languages, such as C or C++, solve this problem using what’s called shared libraries. Apple developed an innovative new technology that allows Java code to be shared across multiple applications. This reduces the amount of memory that Java applications normally use. And it fits right into Sun’s Java HotSpot VM, allowing Mac OS X to remain compatible with standard Java. In addition, Apple has given this implementation to Sun so the company can deploy it on other platforms. It’s just one example of how Apple supports standards and shares ideas to benefit all.
Universal Access
User Friendly

As with all other Mac OS X applications, accessible Java applications get all the accessibility benefits of Mac OS X, including full keyboard access, visual notifications and the innovative Zoom view, as well as Tiger’s new integrated VoiceOver screen reader
AppleScript
Scriptable Java Applications

Now Java applications are scriptable on Mac OS X, thanks to the new UI Scripting facility in AppleScript. You can automate your Java applications, selecting menu items, pushing buttons and exchanging data. It’s the perfect tool for testing and including Java applications in your workflows.

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Do Not Fear With OOP

When I first started learning how to program Java, I was left totally confused about this whole "object-oriented" thing. What books I had explained the concept poorly, and then went straight on to advanced programming tips. I felt frustrated and lost. Not being particularly math-oriented, I needed a good analogy to help me understand the nature of Java.

I have created this brief tutorial not in order to be an exhaustive Java resource, but rather to introduce readers to the concepts of object oriented programming in a way that is non-threatening. If all goes well, we'll have you all in pocket protectors before the end of the hour.

There are three different levels of this tutorial, coded by color. Green is for those readers who want the most basic introduction. It is targeted at those who are unsure what object-oriented programming is, and could use a good analogy to make things clearer. Yellow is for those who want to be able to understand object-oriented programming just enough to be able to read and follow it, but are not yet ready to learn the intricacies of coding Java. [Jump to a site with darker yellow.] And finally, the third level, red, is for you daredevils who want to be able to program in Java, but just want to ease into it slowly.

In short, the green text gives a "plain English" version of the code that would be necessary, the yellow uses that English in a way that more closely resembles the format of code, and the red is the actual code that would be necessary for the program to work. Readers of all levels are encouraged to skip between the colors to deepen their understanding. Finally, although this tutorial operates mostly through analogy, innuendo, and intrigue, those words that appear in boldface are the actual terms used by Java programmers (ooooh!), so try to remember them as you go along.

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WebTutor

WebTutor™ harnesses the power of the Internet to deliver innovative learning aids that actively engage students. WebTutor was designed to help students grasp complex concepts and to provide several forms of learning reinforcements. And now this rich collection of content is available to students online using WebCT or Blackboard.
WebTutor is much more than an online study guide - WebTutor is:
Customized to include your key content
Designed to help you organize your course
Available with powerful communication tools and research links
Dynamic and interactive for users - audio, images, and video
Interactive with online discussion capabilities
Web-savvy, with links to real world locations for timely content

With WebTutor you'll know quickly what concepts your students are or aren't grasping. Student benefits include:
Automatic and immediate feedback from quizzes and exams
Interactive, multimedia rich explanation of concepts
Online exercises that reinforce what they've learned
Flashcards that include audio support
Greater interaction and involvement through online discussion forums

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Fakta Seputar Seks

Dapet dari tetangga nih....

Itung2 ini dapat menambah wawasan kita ttg sex.....

-Terkesan konyol tp prnh dipercaya dan dipraktekin

1. versi lain payudara
sjk dulu ukuran dan bntk payudara jd simbol kecantikan. di Ethiopia, cewe2 rela payudaranya disengat lebah utk mempermontok.
Di Bagandi, cewe2 menggantungi payudaranya dgn pemberat agar memanjang

2. ada kbdyaan india yg bilang kita akan jd homoseks klo ngeliat 2 ular lg ML

3. Hidung vs mr. P
Ratu Johanne I dr italia percaya klo ukuran hidung co sesuai ukuran P nya. Dia nikah sm Andrew yg berhidung besar
sayang, Pnya Andrew ternyata mini bgt shgg ratu menceraikannya

4. Tes Virginitas
suku Inka percaya tiupan nafas perawan mampu mengobarkan api kecil...sdg yg ga perawan lg justu memadamkan
klo zaman Romawi, kprwnan diuji dgn bawa air dlm saringan.
klo bs bawa air dlm saringan berarti msh prwn

5. Budaya Cina kuno ngajarin gadis utk berjln hati2 dan melangkah sehalus mgkn utk mencegah robeknya selaput dara


- Pelopor "instrumen" seks

6. Playboy adlh majalah erotis pertama dgn Marilyn Monroe sbg model sampul. terjual 50 rebu eks

7. novel Lady Chatterley's Lover karangan D.H Lawrence dianggap sbg novel plg "dirty" sepanjang masa...yaitu ttg perselingkuhan super panas seorg nyonya besar

8. Film pertama yg menampilkan adegan ciuman adlh The Kiss (1896)..cm satu menit

9. Bokep pertama dibuat di Argentina yaitu Sartorio (1910)
klo yg plg legendaris adlh Deep Thorat (1972)...hgga 2002 aja udh ngumpulin 600 jt dolar amrik, Bo

10. Prostitusi termasuk profesi tertua di dunia ada sjk 2300 SM di Mesopotamia

11. Komunitas homoseks diakui pd zaman Julius caesar...waktu itu hombreng dianggap lumrah krn jmlh wanita di lingk tertentu (barak tentara dan sekolah khusus pria) lbh sedikit

12. sifilis adlh pnykt kelamin pertama yg ditemukan

13. George Jogersen, prajurit 26 taon dr Denmark adlh org pertama yg mnjalani operasi ganti kelamin di Copenhagen pd 1952

14. Vibrator udh ada sjk zaman Cleopatra. bentuknya kotak bersi lebah yg bikin alat ini bergetar. Utk merangsang lebah bergerak...miss V dilumuri madu dulu

15. Aksesori seks udh dikenal sjk zaman Ratu Victoria, Inggris...yaitu cincin di puting payudara. dipakai krn dipercaya bs ngegedein dan memperindah btk payudara sekaligus menimbulan sensasi erotis saat bersentuhan dgn baju yg dipake


-Antara percaya dan ngga percaya

16. Di Jepang ada sbh coffee shop yg lantenya dilapisi cermin spy pengunjung bs ngeliat bagian dlm rok pelayannya

17. Pria Tibet sebisa mgkn menolak nikah ama perawan. klo ada pendatang pria di tibet..mrk ditawari tdr dgn wanita lokal. Sbg bayaran, wnt ini akan dpt perhiasan dr pria tsb...Wanita yg bs ngoleksi sjmlh perhiasan sblm nikah dianggap wanita terhormat

18. pria suku Eskimo nunjukin rasa hormat ke tamu dgn meminta istrinya tidur dgn sang tamu

19. Scr medis otot miss V bs menjepit P terlalu ketat shgg ga bs keluar lg...disebut dgn PENIS CAPTIVUS...yg disebbabin kekejangan mendadak otot V

20. langka sih, tp ada co yg punya penis kembar..disebut DIPHALLASPARATUS

21. ternyata wlyh prostitusi terbesar di dunia adlh KRaMAT TUNGGAK, jakarta utara..tapi udh ditutup kog


- Yg ini hasil survey

22. Foreplay biasanya brlgsg selama 14-17 mnt utk pasangan yg udh nikah...dan pria akan dpt O setelah melakukan hub seks

23. ada 100 jt aktivitas sex setiap hr di slrh dunia yg menyebabkan 910.000 kehamilan

24. 95% pria di Thailand prnh berkunjung ke lokasi prostitusi..walo bln tentu make jasa PSK...

25. Penduduk Amrik kompak bgt deh...mereka plg sering ngelakuin ML pd jam yg sama yaitu 22.45...

26. rata2 pasangan menikah ngelakuin ML 109x setaon (2x seminggu)...yg nikah tnp anak 103x...yg pny anak 115x

27. diperkirakan sekitar 150.000 penduduk Amrik bermasturbasi pd wkt bersamaan


-Istilah seksual dan sejarah

28. istilah oral sex di masy china kuno disebut "musik mulut"

29. Kaum homoseks di jerman di sbt angkatan 175..diambil dr paragraf UU, German Penal Code yg menentang homoseksual

30. Saat ini lom bs dipastiin asal kata Kondom...ada yg blg diciptain Dr. Conto..ada jg yg blg berasal dr bhs Latin, Condo yg berarti membuang

31. Di Jepang, orgasme berarti mati dan masuk surga saking nikmatnya

32. Penis brsl dr bhs Latin yg berarti ekor...baru dipake sbg istilah alat kelamin pria pd abad XVII

33. Di Cina, PSK disebut bunga yg gugur krn mereka bole diambil oleh sapapun


-Undang2 seks

34. Ginekolog di Bahrain memeriksa alat kelamin pasiennya lwt cermin

35. RS di Sydney ngebolehin pemanggilan PSK utk pemuda yg sakit parah dan ga mau mati sbg perjaka tnp izin ortunya

36. Mnrt hukum Yahudi kuno, pria bekerja hrs ML dgn istrinya 2x seminggu...utk sopir, 1x seminggu..sdgn yg pengangguran hrs setiap hari

37. di pulau Tikopia di samudra pasifik, cowo ga bole nyentuh alat kelamin sapapun termasuk miliknya sendiri... Jd urusan penetrasi sepenuhnya adlh tg jwb wanita...heueheueheue

38. dulu di Eropa, impotensi bs dijadikan alasan utk nuntut cerai seorg suami.. Suami yg dituduh impoten kudu ngebuktiin di dpn pengadilan bhw dia bs ereksi


- Tau gak yg ini

39. celana dalam yg dilengkapi kondom udah ada diperjual belikan

40. pd peringatan hr AIDS 1993 dibuat kondom setinggi 21 m dan lebar 3,5 m yg diletakkan di atas tugu Place De la Concorde paris

41. saat Rusia kekurangan produksi botol, kondom jd pengganti sementara...yg beli satu botol bir akan dapat lebih dr 3 kondom

42. semen (cairan sperma) bs nyebabin alergi pada bbrp org...so, siap2 aja tisu...

43. orgasme pria biasanya bertahan 3-5 dtk...sdgkn wanita 5-8 dtk

44. posisi woman on top pas bgt buat pria gemuk yg punya pasangan kurus

45. wanita jstr lbh menikmati seks stl ngelairin...soalnya proses ngelairin ini meningkatakn suplai darah ke organ genital shgg membuat lbh responsif
pdhal, kog byk wanita yg males ML stlh pny anak ya???????????

46. saat remaja, pria bs nahan ereksi selama 1 jam...sementara klo udah 60 taon..bs ereksi 7 mnt aja udh untung bgtttttt

47. vanila berasal dr kata vagina dlm bhs Latin dan dipercaya sbg afrosidiak plg dahsyat. Havelock Ellis dr Spanyol pernah ngunjungin pabrik vanila dan melihat semua pekerja pria ereksi spnjg hari

48. FDA prnh menemukan efek samping Viagra spt cegukan, sendawa dan pertumbuhan rambut yg ga normal pd sejumlah pemakainya

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Jarum Suntik

Seorang gadis datang berobat dan setelah diperiksa oleh dokter, gadis itu minta disuntik dengan tambahan, jarumnya jangan yang besar.

Dokter mulai mengambil suntikan sekali pakai dan gadis itu sambil mengeliat-geliat ditempat tidur periksa mungkin karena takut bilang berulang-ulang,

"Dok, jarumnya jangan yang besar..."

Karena kesal dokter yang sudah menyiapkan obat suntik memperlihatkan suntikannya pada si gadis sambil bilang

"Nih, jarumnya kecil kok, kalau yang besar punya saya..."

Gadis melongo lalu senyum-senyum sendiri.

I Made Agung Cecep Situmorang: Alat Kelamin Bercak Merah-Merah
Seorang pria datang ke dokter kelamin dengan keluhan, "Dokter, alat kelamin saya kok merah-merah? ", dokter pun menjawab,

"Wah gawat itu, jangan-jangan anda terkena penyakit kelamin yang menular".

Lalu dokter dan pria itu pun masuk ke kamar periksa untuk diperiksa oleh dokter tersebut, "Coba kita lihat alat kelamin saudara".

Setelah melihat dengan teliti dokter itu pun berdiri dan kembali ke ruang prakteknya.

"Bagaimana dok, apa penyakit saya?", tanya pria itu.

Dokter pun menjawab,"Lain kali bilang sama pacar kamu kalau memakai lipstik jangan tebal-tebal. .."

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Pusat Hiburan

Pasien : "Dok, saya mau tanya kenapa sih rambut atas saya putih semua?"

Dokter : "Ya jelas, soalnya diataskan pusat pikiran, makanya rambut atas cepat putih."

Pasien : "Tapi pak dokter, kenapa rambut bawah saya tidak putih?"

Dokter : "Iyalah... soalnya dibawah kan pusat hiburan!"

Read More..

Alat Kelamin Bercak Merah-Merah

Seorang pria datang ke dokter kelamin dengan keluhan, "Dokter, alat kelamin saya kok merah-merah? ", dokter pun menjawab,

"Wah gawat itu, jangan-jangan anda terkena penyakit kelamin yang menular".

Lalu dokter dan pria itu pun masuk ke kamar periksa untuk diperiksa oleh dokter tersebut, "Coba kita lihat alat kelamin saudara".

Setelah melihat dengan teliti dokter itu pun berdiri dan kembali ke ruang prakteknya.

"Bagaimana dok, apa penyakit saya?", tanya pria itu.

Dokter pun menjawab,"Lain kali bilang sama pacar kamu kalau memakai lipstik jangan tebal-tebal. .."

Read More..

Sun Radically Simplifies Content Authoring - Previews JavaFX Script

JavaFX Script Simplifies Development of Rich Internet Applications
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. JAVAONE CONFERENCE, May 8, 2007 Sun Microsystems, Inc., (NASDAQ: SUNW) today previewed JavaFX Script, a radically simple scripting language for creating rich content and applications to run on billions of Java-powered devices from mobile phones to Blu-ray Disc players to the browser. The first of a series of content authoring products from Sun, JavaFX Script enables content rich, highly interactive sites to be built by creative professionals including designers, authors and developers.

JavaFX Script takes advantage of the Java Runtime Environment's (JRE) ubiquity across devices and enables creative professionals to begin building applications based on their current knowledge base. It also uses Java technology's "write once, run anywhere" capability to help realize a future where consumers can access content whenever and wherever on any Java-powered device. JavaFX applications will run on JavaFX Mobile, Sun's software system for mobile devices also previewed at JavaOne, as well as desktop browsers (see separate announcement).

"Consumer demand for content on any and every device is putting content convergence on a fast track. The expanding universe of Java-based devices creates a unique opportunity to make the three-screen vision of unified content across computer, TV and mobile device a reality," said Bob Brewin, CTO, Software, Sun Microsystems. "With JavaFX Script and Sun's follow-on content authoring tools, Sun will simplify the creation of rich content for the creative community and give consumers the ability to access content anytime anywhere on any Java-powered device."

JavaFX Script applications will run on any JavaSE technology-based platform including all of the upcoming JavaFX software systems for mobile handsets, TVs and other embedded applications from automobiles to game systems. JavaFX Script is unique in providing close integration with Java components that run on the server or the client, resulting in a richer end-to-end experience. JavaFX Script brings together a simple and intuitive language design, requiring less coding and providing fast development cycles with a ubiquitous runtime platform and an open source program for innovation by developers worldwide. Over time, Sun will enhance the JavaFX family with content tools, widgets and other offerings that will further aid developers in creating rich media and content.

Sun plans to make JavaFX Script available under an open source license and today is releasing the early alpha version of JavaFX Script at openjfx.org on Java.net. Developers are invited to join the JavaFX community, download the code and provide input and feedback. JavaOne technical sessions on JavaFX Script will be held on Wednesday, May 9 from 4:10 - 5:10 p.m. and Thursday, May 10 from 1:30 - 2:30 p.m. A hands-on lab session on JavaFX Script will be held Thursday, May 10 from 3:50 - 5:20 p.m.

More information on this week's JavaOne announcements and Sun's eco-responsibility activities at JavaOne, is available at: http://www.sun.com/aboutsun/media/presskits/javaone2007/index.jsp

About the JavaOne Conference

Located at Moscone Center in San Francisco, May 8-11, the annual JavaOne conference is one of the leading events for Java technology developers. Established in 1996, the Conference provides technology enthusiasts the opportunity to learn about the latest technology innovations with Java technology, scripting, open source, Web 2.0 and more. Developers get hands-on experience with the technology, can network with their peers, and have the opportunity to network directly with technology experts from technology industry leaders. For more information about the JavaOne conference, visit http://java.sun.com/javaone.
About Sun Microsystems, Inc.

A singular vision -- "The Network Is The Computer" -- guides Sun in the development of technologies that power the world's most important markets. Sun's philosophy of sharing innovation and building communities is at the forefront of the next wave of computing: the Participation Age. Sun can be found in more than 100 countries and on the Web at http://sun.com.

Sun, Sun Microsystems, the Sun logo, Java, JavaOne, JavaFX, Java Runtime Environment, JRE and The Network Is The Computer are trademarks or registered trademarks of Sun Microsystems, Inc. in the United States and other countries.

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Sun Radically Simplifies Content Authoring - Previews JavaFX Script

JavaFX Script Simplifies Development of Rich Internet Applications
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. JAVAONE CONFERENCE, May 8, 2007 Sun Microsystems, Inc., (NASDAQ: SUNW) today previewed JavaFX Script, a radically simple scripting language for creating rich content and applications to run on billions of Java-powered devices from mobile phones to Blu-ray Disc players to the browser. The first of a series of content authoring products from Sun, JavaFX Script enables content rich, highly interactive sites to be built by creative professionals including designers, authors and developers.

JavaFX Script takes advantage of the Java Runtime Environment's (JRE) ubiquity across devices and enables creative professionals to begin building applications based on their current knowledge base. It also uses Java technology's "write once, run anywhere" capability to help realize a future where consumers can access content whenever and wherever on any Java-powered device. JavaFX applications will run on JavaFX Mobile, Sun's software system for mobile devices also previewed at JavaOne, as well as desktop browsers (see separate announcement).

"Consumer demand for content on any and every device is putting content convergence on a fast track. The expanding universe of Java-based devices creates a unique opportunity to make the three-screen vision of unified content across computer, TV and mobile device a reality," said Bob Brewin, CTO, Software, Sun Microsystems. "With JavaFX Script and Sun's follow-on content authoring tools, Sun will simplify the creation of rich content for the creative community and give consumers the ability to access content anytime anywhere on any Java-powered device."

JavaFX Script applications will run on any JavaSE technology-based platform including all of the upcoming JavaFX software systems for mobile handsets, TVs and other embedded applications from automobiles to game systems. JavaFX Script is unique in providing close integration with Java components that run on the server or the client, resulting in a richer end-to-end experience. JavaFX Script brings together a simple and intuitive language design, requiring less coding and providing fast development cycles with a ubiquitous runtime platform and an open source program for innovation by developers worldwide. Over time, Sun will enhance the JavaFX family with content tools, widgets and other offerings that will further aid developers in creating rich media and content.

Sun plans to make JavaFX Script available under an open source license and today is releasing the early alpha version of JavaFX Script at openjfx.org on Java.net. Developers are invited to join the JavaFX community, download the code and provide input and feedback. JavaOne technical sessions on JavaFX Script will be held on Wednesday, May 9 from 4:10 - 5:10 p.m. and Thursday, May 10 from 1:30 - 2:30 p.m. A hands-on lab session on JavaFX Script will be held Thursday, May 10 from 3:50 - 5:20 p.m.

More information on this week's JavaOne announcements and Sun's eco-responsibility activities at JavaOne, is available at: http://www.sun.com/aboutsun/media/presskits/javaone2007/index.jsp

About the JavaOne Conference

Located at Moscone Center in San Francisco, May 8-11, the annual JavaOne conference is one of the leading events for Java technology developers. Established in 1996, the Conference provides technology enthusiasts the opportunity to learn about the latest technology innovations with Java technology, scripting, open source, Web 2.0 and more. Developers get hands-on experience with the technology, can network with their peers, and have the opportunity to network directly with technology experts from technology industry leaders. For more information about the JavaOne conference, visit http://java.sun.com/javaone.
About Sun Microsystems, Inc.

A singular vision -- "The Network Is The Computer" -- guides Sun in the development of technologies that power the world's most important markets. Sun's philosophy of sharing innovation and building communities is at the forefront of the next wave of computing: the Participation Age. Sun can be found in more than 100 countries and on the Web at http://sun.com.

Sun, Sun Microsystems, the Sun logo, Java, JavaOne, JavaFX, Java Runtime Environment, JRE and The Network Is The Computer are trademarks or registered trademarks of Sun Microsystems, Inc. in the United States and other countries.

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Capek Deh....

Capek...buanget....
Males juga...
Sampe mo posting aja capek....
ah.....

udah ah,....

capek

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Kisah Tragis tentang penganiayaan

Kisah ini didapat dari temanku Opick dari Jakarta yang langsung dikirim lewat email.
Setelah dibaca Kejadian ini memang benar-benar menyentuh hati dan sangat tragis sekali, apalagi terjadi di Indonesia.
Mudah-mudahan apa yang terjadi didalam cerita ini tidak akan anda alami.

Berikut Ceritanya


Dear Friends,
Cerita dari teman, Benar2 menyedihkan sekali cerita ini dan mungkin
dunia ini sudah gila kali ya ???!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

Ada seorang teman saya, suatu hari terpanggil untuk memakai jilbab.
Karena hatinya sudah tetap, dia pun pergilah ke toko muslim untuk
membeli jilbab................

Setelah membeli beberapa pakaian muslim lengkap bersama jilbab dengan
berbagai model (maklum teman saya itu stylish sekali), dia pun pulang ke
rumah dengan hati suka cita.
Sesampainya di rumah, dengan bangga dia mengenakan jilbabnya........


Ketika dia
ke luar dari kamarnya, bapak dan ibunya langsung menjerit.Mereka murka
bukan main dan meminta agar anaknya segera melepaskan jilbabnya.
Anak itu tentu merasa terpukul sekali...bayangkan : Ayah ibunya sendiri
menentangnya untuk mengenakan jilbab.Si anak mencoba berpegang teguh
pada keputusannya akan tetapi ayah ibunya mengancam akan memutuskan
hubungan orang- tua dan anak bila ia berkeras.
Dia tidak akan diaku anak selamanya bila tetap mau menggunakan jilbab.
Anak itu menggerung-gerung sejadi-jadinya. Dia merasa menjadi anak yang
malang sekali nasibnya.

Tidak berputus asa, dia meminta guru tempatnya bersekolah untuk
berbicara dengan orang tuanya. Apa lacur sang guru pun menolak.
Dia mencoba lagi berbicara dengan ustad dekat rumahnya untuk membujuk
orang tuanya agar diizinkan memakai jilbab... hasilnya? Nol besar! Sang
ustad juga menolak mentah-mentah.
Belum pernah rasanya anak ini dirundung duka seperti itu. Dia merasa
betul2 sendirian di dunia ini. Tak ada seorang pun yang mau mendukung
keputusannya untuk memakai jilbab.
Akhirnya dia memutuskan untuk menggunakan truf terakhir. Dia berkata
pada orang tuanya,"Ayah dan ibu yang saya cintai. Saya tetap akan
memakai jilbab ini. Kalau tidak diizinkan juga saya akan bunuh diri."
Sejenak suasana menjadi hening. Ketegangan mencapai puncaknya dalam
keluarga itu. Akhirnya sambil menghela napas panjang, si ayah berkata
dengan lirih,
" Yanto, Yanto ! Nek wong wedok sak karepe ngono. Kowe lanang la'kok
nganggo jilbab?"


Thanx Opick

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Groovy Soul and Sexy

Gak tau kenapa aq jadi suka banget ama Tower Of Power, gara-garanya sih dengerin temen bawain lagunya TOwer of Power dengan pasukan Brass Section yg komplit, klo ditotal di ada 11 orang pemaen.
Bandnya asik banget, tapi sayang gak bertahan lama...., biasanya selain Tower Of Power bawain juga lagu2 Phill Collins, Incognito dll,, pokoknya yg ada brass nya.

Ngedadak jadi kangen pengen dengerin lagu-lagu kayak gito, coba dipasang di blog ini aja lah....
Playlist lagunya :
Soul With A Capital "S" - The Best Of Tower Of Power
The Best Of Tower Of Power - Souled Out
The Best Of Tower Of Power - So I Got To Groove
Tower Of Power Live - Soul With A Capital 'S'
Tower Of Power Live - I Like Your Style
Tower Of Power Live - Diggin' On James Brown
Tower Of Power Live - Can't You See (You Doin' Me Wrong)
Tower Of Power Live - So I Got To Groove
Tower of Power Rhythm & Business - East Bay Way
Tower of Power Rhythm & Business - Unconditional Love
Tower of Power Rhythm & Business - Rhythm and Business
Tower of Power Rhythm & Business - Don't Knock Me Down
Tower of Power Souled Out - Do You Wanna (Make Love To Me)
Tower of Power Souled Out - Diggin' On James Brown
Tower of Power Souled Out - Sexy Soul
Tower of Power Souled Out - Once You Get A Taste
Best Of Incognito (Remastered Version) Still A Friend Of Mine
Best Of Incognito (Remastered Version) Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing (Remix)
Best Of Incognito (Remastered Version) Everyday
Best Of Incognito (Remastered Version) Talkin' Loud
Phil Collins Serious Hits...Live Something Happened On The Way To Heaven
Phil Collins Serious Hits...Live Easy Lover
Phil Collins Hello, I Must Be Going I Cannot Believe It's True

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Tidur Telentang Berbahaya !!!

Tidur merupakan aktivitas sehari-hari yang sangat diperlukan. Setelah seharian beraktivitas diperlukan waktu untuk beristirahat agar badan bisa menjadi segar kembali, salah satunya adalah dengan tidur.

Namun akhir-akhir ini para ahli dan dokter telah melakukan penelitian bahwa tidur "telentang" itu tidak baik untuk kesehatan karena akan merusak tenggorokan dan saluran pencernaan, lebih buruk lagi dengan tidur "telentang" dapat mengakibatakan gangguan pada perut atau usus dan bisa berakibat fatal.

Maka dari itu para ahli menyarankan sebaiknya anda jangan tidur "telentang" lebih baik "telen ludah" aja, kan lebih aman ! Dari pada anda tidur sambil "tenlen tang".

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Kecanduan Internet

Dari hasil survey mengenai tanda-tanda terjadinya kecanduan Internet adalah :
1. Mas kawin yang Anda minta di hari pernikahan adalah seperangkat komputer dan modem. Tunai !
2. Bel di rumah Anda bertuliskan "Click Here to continue"
3. Pintu kamar mandi Anda bertuliskan "This site contains Adult Material,please verify your age"
4. Anda menanyakan apakah ada email baru untuk anda kepada Pak Pos yang mengantarkan kartu lebaran.
5. Mimpi anda selalu berawal dengan http://www.
6. Anda menggunakan search engine untuk mencari anak anda yang sudah tiga hari tidak pulang ke rumah. 7. "Unable to locate your server !," kata Anda ketika menerima telepon salah sambung.
8. Anak-anak Anda diberi nama Joko.gov agar kelak dia jadi Pegawai negeri sipil;
Susy.org agar kelak jadi cewek matre; dan Tole.edu agar kelak dia jadi
mahasiswa abadi.
9. Suara dengkuran Anda sudah persis mirip dengan suara Handshake modem.
10. Anda susah menggerakan jari Anda karena Anda sudah online selama 36 jam.
11. Anda menonton film "The Net" .... 63 kali.
12. Ketika mobil Anda menyeruduk mobil lain di simpang jalan, yang pertama Anda cari
adalah tombol "UNDO".
13. Istri Anda meletakan wig di atas monitor Anda untuk mengingatkan Anda seperti apa
tampangnya.
14. Anda memberi nama anak Anda Eudora, Netscape dan Mirc. Dan kalau anda lebih
demokratis (tidak monopistis) anda akan memberi nama anak anda Linux.
15. Anda memperkenalkan diri sebagai : "youremail@yourdomain.com"
16. Anda membuat tatoo di badan Anda yang berbunyi "This body best viewed with
Internet Explorer 5.5 or higher."
17. Anda akan mengakses http://www.xxx.com bila sedang bosan dengan pasangan anda.
18. Anda meninggalkan antrian tiket kereta api dengan berkata "request time out !!!"
19. Ketika hidup anda mengalami depresi, anda akan sangat menyesal mengapa tubuh anda
tidak dilengkapi dengan tombol Ctrl-Alt-Del.
20. Anda yang membaca e-mail ini sampai habis. IIQ

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Doa Sebelum Ujian

Destruktif mindset
Ya Allah, berikanlah hujan yang besar, gluduk yang kuat, agar gedung ujian atapnya rubuh, ruangan kelas banjir, gardu listrik depan mbleduk sehingga ujian dibatalkan

Merasa pinter tapi belum pede
Ya Allah, mudah mudahan dosennya memberikan ujian yang luar biasa susahnya sehingga tidak ada seorang pun yang mampu mengerjakannya. Dan buatlah agar semua mengulang tahun depan sehingga saya sudah lebih siap

Merasa pinter parsial dan oportunis
Ya Allah, buatlah soal ujian yang keluar hanya yang saya pelajari saja. Saya belum sempat baca semua bahan
(Padahal yang dibaca berbeda dengan silabus kuliah)

Pesimis
Ya Allah, buatlah teman teman lain tidak bisa mengerjakan soalnya, karena saya tidak mungkin meminta agar kepintaran saya ditambah seketika oleh-Mu, ya Allah (Sadar akan kemampuan diri)

"Nyumpahin orang" mindset
Ya Allah, berikanlah sifat pelupa pada dosenku kali iniiiii sajah, agar dia lupa kalau hari ini ujian. (Padahal yang bikin ujian adalah asistennya)

Mahasiswa cerdik
Pagi pagi berangkat ke Balai Kesehatan, pakai jaket tebal dan syal penutup leher. Tak lupa bekas kerokan ditonjolkan. "Dok, minta surat ijin sakit 3 hari karena batuk dan demam". Kemudian dipakai untuk mengurus ujian susulan. (Sialnya dosen ngasih soal ujian susulan lebih susah)

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Hati-hati Memberi Nama

Jangan memberi nama sembarang kepada anak, nama akan membuat masalah bagi anak-anak, seperti anak laki-laki;

Dicky, Diman, Dipo, Didi, Dimas, Dicker atau Dino dll

Dan jangan memberi anak perempuan seperti:

Ditta, Dian, Dity dll.

Emangnya kenapa tidak boleh nama-nama tersebut diatas, karena nama-nama tersebut sering ditambah-tambahin oleh Bagian Personalia sehingga akan tampak sesuai dengan Jabatannya, namun nama baru tersebut sangat menertawakan pemiliknya, coba anda perhatikan:

DAFTAR NAMA KARYAWAN PT. DISSEL LIPIN
1. Sopir: Bpk, Dicky Bullin
2. Keuangan: Bpk. Diman Fa'atin
3. Sekretaris: Ny. Dina Ikin
4. Kasir: Sdr. Dipo Rottin (waktu kecil Orang tuanya memberi nama Dipo Pokin).
5. Office Boy: Sdr. Diker Jain
6. Bon Bensin: Sdr. Dibo Ongin
7. Security: Sertu (Purn) Dipo Tongin
8. Waker Malam: Koptu (Purn) Didi Amin
9. Pengurus Wisma: Sdr. Dimas Sukin
10. Kurir dalam kota : Dicky Rimin
11. Seksi Rumah Tangga: Sdr. Ditta Ngisin
12. Kepala Kendaraan: Dicky Rain
13. Entertainment Customer: Nn. Ditty Durin
14. Resepsionist: Nn. Ditta Nyain
15. Account Payable Staff: Ny. Ditta Bokin
16. Purchasing: Dino Dain
17. Pembayaran gaji: Dian Cemin
18. Personalia: Dian Tarrin
19. Sekretaris Direksi: Nn. Dian Nuin


Kabag PERSONALIA,
ttd, Sukana Kalin SH.

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Gorilla

Pada suatu hari seorang petinggi kerajaan yang dikaruniai penglihatan kurang sempurna pergi melihat pameran lukisan binatang di Taman Ismail Marzuki. Namun demikian Dia begitu pede dan semena-mena dengan bawahannya. Seperti biasa dia dituntun oleh seorang ajudannya yang begitu sabar dan setia.

Petinggi : "Wah... lukisan ini apik tenan. Gambar ikannya bener-bener Hidup."
Ajudan : "Shtttt... jangan keras-keras Tuan... Itu gambar Buaya.!"
Petinggi : "Masak buaya, mengapa tidak mengambar ikan saja, buaya kan ndak bisa dimakan."

Sambil mendengarkan komentar petinggi tersebut, sang ajudan menarik tangan untuk kemudian mereka berpindah ke lukisan lain.

Petinggi :"Gambar Gajah ini benar-benar gagah."
Ajudan : "Shtttt....ojo keras-keras Tuan . Itu gambar Banteng"
Petinggi :"Masak Banteng, kok ora ngambar gajah saja, kupinge kanbisa buat kipas-kipas."

Karena capek dengan komentar sang Petinggi akhirnya si Ajudan diam saja, menlihat kenyataan itu sang petinggi pun sadar, Dia selanjutnya menahan diri untuk tidak memberi komentar sampai Dia tiba-tiba merasa berada pada sebuah satu pojok ruang pameran tersebut. Sang Petinggi kemudian berseru, "Wah, sing iki apik tenan. Lukisan gorilanya begitu nyata anatominya."

Ajudannya langsung tertegun menahan tawa dan berkata, "Shttt.... tuan jangan keras-keras. Itu cermin......."

Petinggi: "Masak cermin, kok tidak Gorilla saja, Gorilla khan bisa melucu, membuat tertawa"

Rupannya sang petinggi belum juga sadar, "Tuan ..itu yang di cermin memang gambar Gorilla, lucu dan membikin tertawa, tapi apa tuan tidak tersingung?"

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AC (Air Conditioning)

Seorang karyawan mendapatkan fasilitas kerja yang hebat sekali. Dia memiliki sebuah ruang dengan AC, telepon, televisi, internet, dan tentu saja 1 set PC yang canggih.

Suatu ketika dia mengetik sebuah laporan. Tiba-tiba saja bosnya masuk dengan marah-marah.

Bos: "Hei! Kamu menulis dengan WordStar DOS ya? Dasar Bodoh! Sekarang itu sudah tahun 2004!! Harusnya kamu bisa menulis dengan Microsoft Word!!"
Karyawan: "Habis ini ruang ber-AC sih!"
Bos: "Apa hubungannya dengan hal itu? Jangan cari-cari alasan!!"
Karyawan: "Bos lihat saja sendiri ke AC itu!"
Bos itu lalu melihat ke AC dan ada tulisan "...AIR CONDITIONED ROOM, DO NOT OPEN WINDOWS!!"
Karyawan: "Kalau buka Windows saja tidak boleh bagaimana mau buka Microsoft Word?"

Bos: ???%%%##!!!!!!!!

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Wanita Sejati

Sebuah pesawat terbang sedang membawa banyak penumpang. Tiba-tiba di tengah perjalanan terjadi hujan badai yang sangat dahsyat. Pesawat itu terombang-ambing oleh badai hujan, angin keras dan kilat yang menyambar-nyambar. Penumpang pesawat itu histeris dan berteriak melihat keadaan itu. Mereka yakin pesawat itu akan jatuh dan mereka semua akan mati.

Di tengah kericuhan itu, ada seorang wanita muda yang melompat dan mengungkapkan perasaannya, "Saya tidak bisa menerima semua ini lagi!. Saya tidak bisa duduk disini dan mati sepeti binatang, tertahan di kursi. Jika saya akan mati, biarkan saya mati dengan merasakan jadi wanita terlebuh dahulu. Apakah di sini ada yang sanggup membuat saya merasakan menjadi wanita?"

Dia melihat sebuah tangan diacungkan. Ternyata seorang pria tampan, tinggi dan berotot yang sedang tersenyum. Dia kemudian berjalan ke depan wanita muda itu. Ketika sudah berdekatan, pria tampan itu lalu membuka kaosnya dan menunjukkan tubuhnya yang kekar. Wanita itu melihat besarnya otot tersebut walaupun dalam kondisi pesawat yang mati nyala.

Pria itu tetap berdiri di depannya, kaosnya ditangan dan berkata, "Saya bisa membuat Anda merasa seperti wanita sejati sebelum mati. Apakah Anda tertarik?".

Dengan keras ia menganggukkan kepala, "Ya, buat saya menjadi wanita sejati, pekiknya girang. Dengan sigap, pria itu langsung memberikan kaosnya kepada wanita itu sambil berkata, 'Nih, tolong disetrika yach!'"

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Free Web Hosting

A cookie is a file created by an Internet site to store information on your
computer, such as your preferences when visiting that site. When you visit a site
that uses cookies, the site might ask Firefox to place one or more cookies
on your hard disk.


Later, when you return to the site, Firefox sends back the cookies that
belong to the site. This allows the site to present you with information customized
to fit your needs.


Cookies can also store personally identifiable information. Personally identifiable
information is information that can be used to identify or contact you, such as
your name, e-mail address, home or work address, or telephone number. However, a
web site only has access to the personal information that you provide. For
example, a web site cannot determine your e-mail address unless you provide it. Also,
a web site cannot gain access to other information on your computer.


When you use the default cookie settings, this activity is invisible to you,
and you won't know when a web site is setting a cookie or when Firefox
is sending a web site its cookie. However, you can set your cookies
optionspreferences so that you will be asked before a cookie is set. You can also
restrict the lifetime of cookies to your current Firefox session.

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Angkot Setan

Kisah ini aku alami beberapa minggu yang lalu, waktu itu aku baru pulang dari rumah temanku yang berlokasi diluar pusat kota

Selasa malam jam 10.30 aku pulang menuju rumah. karena tidak membawa kendaraan maka aku pun mencari angkot.
walaupun lama akhirnya angkot datang juga, kemudian berhenti tepat didepanku
Saat itu hujan rintik-rintik sehingga penumpang didalam angkot pun hanya sedikit
Dan semuanya terdiam, termasuk supir angkot.


Angkot pun berjalan pelan sekali melewati perkampungan dan sawah-sawah.
lalu aku melirik kepada para penumpang, setelah aku hitung ternyata hanya ada 5 orang penumpang saja, 3 orang laki-laki (termasuk sopir) dan dua perempuan.

Setelah melewati area persawahan, hatiku agak lega juga karena sebentar lagi akan masuku ke perkampungan lalu tidak lama lagi akan menemui jalan raya.

Namun, tepat akan mendekati perkampungan tersebut tepatnya di sebuah jembatan
terdengar sayup-sayup suara wanita berteriak-teriak !

Kaget dan penasaran aku coba menoleh ke jendela namun tidak ada siapapun, yang ada hanyalah gelap yang pekat, beberapa saat kemudian teriakan itu semakin keras dan seakan dekat dengan telinga saya !!

"toolooong....Stop.....stop.... Berhenti......."

Akupun kaget, dan secara tidak sengaja akupun ikut berteriak
" STOP !!!! Berhenti !!!!!


Smua orang pun memandangiku, dan angkot itu pun berhenti, lalu terdengar suara langkah kaki dan dua orang wanita yg duduk didekatku tiba-tiba keluar dari angkot
entah kenapa langkahnya pun terburu-buru seolah-olah ada yang mengejarnya.

Kemudian dari dompet wanita itu dia mengeluarkan uang Rp. 50.000,- dan membayarkannya kepada si sopir.

kemudian si sopir pun bilang kalao uangnya terlalu besar dan tidak ada kembalian, dan dia meminta untuk menukarkannya dengan uang yang lebih kecil, namun ternyata si wanita itu tidak mempunyainya.

"Neng uangnya terlalu besar, nggak ada uang kecil neng"
"Gak ada mang, cuma tinggal ini"
"Ya sudahlah.........."

Selasai si Sopir berkata begitu, dengan terburu-buru dia tancap gas.... kabur....entah kenapa.

kemudian si wanita tadi berteriak
" DASAR ANGKOT SETAN...... SETAN LO "
" KEMBALIIN DUIT GUA "

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Kisah 3 Gila

Di sebuah rumah sakit jiwa, diceritakan ada 3 orang gila yang akan diberikan kesempatan untuk mengikuti testing kelulusan menjadi normal.

Ketiga orang gila itu kemudian dipanggil oleh sang dokter untuk masuk ke ruangan ujian ("mirip uts")


Setelah ketiganya datang kemudian si dokter mulai bertanya......

Dokter : Coba kamu jawab 3 dikali 3 berapa ?
Gila 1 : 27 pak !!!
Dokter : Salah !!!! kamu masih ngaco, tidak lulus, Sekarang kamu .... berapa 3 x 3 ??
Gila 2 : Meja Pak !!
Dokter : Ditanya angka koq jawabnya malah meja ... makin ngaco aja @###$#$, Sekarang kamu yg terakhir, berapa 3 x 3 ??
Gila 3 : 9 pak (dengan santainya dia menjawab)
Dokter : Yakin 9 ???? (dokter gak percaya)
Gila 3 : Yakin pak se yakin -yakinnya !!!
Dokter : Darimana kamu tahu jawabannya 9
Gila 3 : Gampang Pak ! 27 dikurangi Meja hasilnya kan 9 !!!!
Dokter : #$@#@???###@@@@

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Trick dan Tips Buat Blogger

Ini adalah beberapa tips dan trik buat para bloger.

Yang pertama itu kita harus punya account di salah satu blog yang ada didunia ini....
trus yang keduanya yaitu kita harus mendaftar sebagai anggota blog tersebut, setelah mendaftar kemudian kita harus login sesuai dengan username dan password yang sudah dimasukan lalu setelah itu blog yang kamu bikin tadi bisa diedit dan bisa diisi dengan tulisan-tulisan kamu.


Tips buat bloger adalah.....
yang pertama.. kamu harus bisa ngetik, trus kamu harus tau komputer. ("bisa berabe kalo kamu gak bisa ngetk apalagi yang gak tau komputer").
Yang Kedua Komputernya harus tersambung ke Internet. klo gak punya internet dirumah bisa ke warnet.
Yang ketiga .... Bawa uang yang banyak ("kalo ke Warnet")
Yang Keempat .... Klo udah nyampe warnet jangan nge buka situs-situs porno ("DOSA")
Yang Kelima ...... ehmmmm ! Jangan Lupa pulang
Yang Keenam ...... Klo udah selesai jangan lupa banyar !("jangan ngutang")
Yang Ketujuh ..... ehhhmmmmm.....................??@#@####$#!!1...
.:* lagi di pikirin *:.


Yang Kedelapan ...... Masih dipikirin Juga .......
Yang Kesembilan .......Kayaknya Belum ada ide .....
Yang Kesepuluh .......... Udah Ah...... i'm getting stuck

Nah Itulah tadi TIPS & TRIK Buat Para BLOGGER

SEMUA ORANG JUGA TAU

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